surrendering to my pride

i've been thinking all day about when we will travel to china...God spoke to me very clearly today...i've become prideful with my o.c.d characteristics...i'm very proud of how i'm always on top of things...every "I" dotted every "T" crossed...until today i've always thought that was something to be PROUD of... today i see differently...during this adoption process no matter how efficient i am with all the piles of paper work it really doesn't matter because i have NO control over any of this....i read an email from a friend it really hit me like a brick she was talking about sarah & hagar and in chapter 16 of genesis verse 13 it says Him who sees me...God sees me where i am...He's going to bring us to emma lael when He knows the timing is perfect for HER not for us...the adoption of emma lael isn't about kent, garrett,natalie or myself it's about a 3 year old little girl in china that God has hand picked to be our daughter...she needs our family...not sure why??? He's chosen us for such a perfect little girl...we're far from perfect....we've made several mistakes in our parent roles...still God has given us this huge blessing of emma lael...i know God sees directly in our hearts He knows we have a heart for children that's what matters to Him....with all that said, i'm okay with september or november...i've got to stop being so controlling and allow God to do His works in me so i can be the best mommy for garrett, natalie & emma lael...i will try my very best to sit back and watch what God has in store for us all...i have a feeling it's something far beyond anything i could ever image...to SURRENDER that is the message i received today from our gracious & loving Heavenly Father.