natalie & i had a conversation on the way to school today about adoption & emma lael...our conversations as a rule are upbeat and positive...i do tell her the good bad & ugly to the best of my ability which is limited because we've never adopted before... i felt a bit of panic set in...yes, i've had that panic feeling before...i don't always have warm & fuzzy thoughts...i do panic...i ponder my life with a toddler at age 46...how will it all mesh together a college student, high school student & a toddler...it will be a huge change in my daily routine...it will challenge every fiber of who i am...that's not to say in anyway i have doubt, i don't...i am realistic knowing this will be a life changing for not only me but kent, garrett & natalie...the sisler family we're ready for the changes, challenges, joys but do we truly know what's in store for us???...not at all.
for many orphans there lives in the orphanage can be hell on earth...some don't know how it feels to be loved...held tightly...kissed & hugged from a person who adores them...to have a bed time story read to them is foreign at every level...to be fed with a bottle that is held by a loving caretaker...to be played with...i could go on and on...the environment that some of these children live in is honestly beyond what i can or want to image...silent tears a book that will rock your world.
as a mother these all seem to be a "given" to give to your children...i need to realize that emma lael whoever she is...may not have the basic nurturing that garrett & natalie were given...with this comes great risk, fear & panic big time.
God is FAITHFUL...God knows what kent & i can handle...i talk to God like i talk to a friend while i'm driving...in the shower...making dinner...cleaning the house...yes, i do pray but most of the time i'm talking with Him as raw & real as i can be...after all He knows exactly how i'm feeling...the bottom line is God has called kent & i to do this...we resisted initially but now we know this is what we've been called/asked to do...we know without any hesitation the adoption of emma lael is what we are do to and want to do...i read this verse daily it keeps me grounded and knowing that God will "work it out" i don't have to.
all things work together and are for God's good for those who love the Lord. Romans 8:28...i love God and He's got my back...He's got it under control and i need to relinquish that control to him the sooner the better...i can type this out tell myself hundreds of times a day but i still struggle with not being in control of this adoption process...a lesson i've not mastered but am trying very hard to get better at.
i know God doesn't expect us to be perfect or 100% prepared He's just asking us to trust Him...trust Him we will.
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Beautiful post! I wonder too what it will be like having a little one again at 45 or 46.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Lynn
Andrea!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to make sure that you knew about this!
http://throwingourarmsopenwide.blogspot.com/2010/04/we-have-chance-to-save-kiahs-life.html
Could you be praying for sweet Kiah?
Hugs!
Shannon
Hi Andrea, I don't remember how I got here, but I am so glad I did. At the age of 39 I had 3 bio kids 14, 16, 17, and adopted my first treasure from China. My oldest entered college that fall. Four years later just after getting all 3 older kids settled in college, we went back to China to add another treasure. Yes, it changed my life. Yes, I was tired. Yes, there were adjustments...but not really bad. It was actually very fun. I have so enjoyed this "second" family. I am much more relaxed this time around and I know how fast the time will fly. In fact it has...they are now 11 & 14, I have a teenager again, oh my! I feel so blessed, I highly recommend adopting a second family!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited for you!