expectation

as i wait in anticipation for the match to the newest sisler member...it makes me think of when i was pregnant with garrett & natalie...prior to the 20 week ultrasound i often day dreamed and had so many questions....

my mind would day dream and wonder:

*will our baby be a boy or girl?
*will our baby have hair?
*who will our baby look like?(hopefully kent because he's a cutie pie ;)
*will they be overdue or will they come early (both came 4.5 weeks early)
*will our baby be born healthy..being a neonatal nurse it was my life seeing micro premature babies born as well as babies with significant special needs...will our baby be born premature or with special needs? this was common amongst nicu nurses after all when all you see is sick babies you think to yourself maybe my baby could end up in the nicu also...
i recall a conversation with my grandma ruby the conversation went something like this:
"andrea God may give you a baby with special needs because He knows you'll know how to care for him or her"
i replied "grandma i love my job but i'd rather have a healthy baby"
i remember working 12 hour night shift often wondering to myself why would i be fortunate enough to have a healthy baby? these parents aren't any different then me and they've had a premature baby or a baby with special needs...
yes, i ended delivering two premature babies...garrett & natalie both did wonderful had minor issues both came home with me from the hospital...with garrett the only reason they let him come home with me was...you guessed it...because the neonatologist i worked with said "andrea you can take care of him at home you know what to do"...so grandma ruby was right ;)
what i've come to understand is that pan yue was a premature baby...i thought i could fix her...heal her...make her head grow...consciously i know that isn't with in my realm of expertise that's in God's hands...
*will breast feeding be as easy as the book say?
*will my baby bond to me immediately?
*will i feel a love like no other? YES

as we wait for our daughter who will be classified in the adoption world at SPECIAL NEEDS...i feel lucky...fortunate...blessed...content...joyful...expecting...glowing.

what exactly does SPECIAL NEEDS mean?
a birthmark
heart defect
cleft palate
cleft lip
digit missing
limbs missing
downs syndrome
dwarfism
ear missing
deaf
blind the list goes on and on...God made every children with special needs perfect in His own image.

as i wait to have my adoption ultrasound... i have the same questions only this time i won't gain any weight ;) Yippee